As a successful former middle school teacher and coach, I’m also a survivor of the #1 form of domestic abuse... but my story is one you would never expect.

I came from an “A+” family. My parents stayed married and for the most part stayed in love. They put their 3 kids in private schools and took us to church every Sunday.

My parents were often praised for “raising such good kids”.

Despite being valedictorian and “best all around” of her high school—and on her way to earning an MBA—my older sister bullied me throughout my childhood. Despite being “best all around” of his high school—and on his way to seminary—my older brother psychologically and physically abused me throughout my childhood.

Against the odds for an abused sibling (thanks to my motivating Marine Corps fighter pilot father), I too was named high school “best all around” and speech giver on character, effort, and attitude at National Honor Society and baccalaureate services. I graduated college with honors… became a middle school teacher through an AmeriCorps inner city teaching program… then a teacher professional development consultant, and host of a live weekly motivational talk radio show.

But one day in my early 30’s I found myself stuck in the hallway of my home barely able to move. I was supposed to be at the radio station for my noon-hour show, but my body wouldn’t work. After calling the station I remember laying on the floor listening to a rerun of my own motivational show.

“Character, effort, and attitude” wasn’t enough for me. Turns out you can’t talk yourself out of the long-term effects of sibling abuse.

I spent the next 15 years of my life trying to get back to a “normal” life. Despite always being a fit, athletic, seemingly healthy girl, on the inside I felt like I could die at any moment. The trauma I suffered in childhood affected my brain, major organs and systems. I was a numb empty shell of a girl living a short distance from my body, struggling with C-PTSD and adrenal fatigue.

Despite all my previous “success” I felt worthless, powerless, voiceless, hopeless.

Just the other day a colleague texted: My little brother just died. He was 55. This colleague is from a successful family of 5 boys who loved “razzing and rough-housing each other”. I remembered my mom laughing as I was pinned down by my siblings digging their knuckles into my scalp and shoving my face into the carpet… or rolled up in a sleeping bag screaming “I can’t breathe” while they said “Yes you can, we can still hear you”. Finally my mom would say in her lilt, “Oh kids, stop rough-housing”.

How does a 6-year-old compete with a 14-year-old and 12-year-old duo?

Targets do not know they are abused because sibling abuse is normalized in the family. Out of 60+ teachers and coaches I knew growing up, no one knew enough to intervene—especially for a “good kid” from such a “good family”. Sibling victimization can happen in ANY family of ANY race, socio-economic status, or religion.

Family estrangement, inability to trust or form attachments, and a three times higher rate of school bullying victimization (along with workplace bullying), produces adults who struggle to finish post-secondary school or maintain employment, with greater rates of joblessness, homelessness, addiction and/or incarceration.

Today would you please take a moment to tell one person about sibling abuse?

You can shine light for a child suffering this “hidden, forgotten, and invisible” epidemic.

Sincerely,

Elizabeth Rose Rosinski