FOR EDUCATORS
FOR EDUCATORS
Looking at the targets:
Tics, Triggers, and Trauma
Professionals, particularly in education, often lack training to recognize sibling bullying-abuse.
But as an educator, you are in a great position to be the first adult to shine a light for your most vulnerable students.
Sibling abuse can be identified and stopped when you watch for the signs hidden in plain sight.
sibling abuse VICTIMS are 3 times more likely to be bullied in school.
-
Sibling abuse is prevalent in all socioeconomic strata. It’s as common in affluent families as any other.
It is often normalized in male dominant cultures when older brothers target younger sisters... and just as likely perpetrated by older sisters onto younger male or female siblings.
Children with developmental challenges like autism can be targets; unfortunately they also can be the source of the abuse.
-
Sibling abuse's lifelong effects cannot be underestimated. Survivors often endure emotional numbness and a shattered sense of self as they grapple with the ongoing abuse and aftermath including:
Complex PTSD: leads to ongoing psychological, physical, relational distress.
Physical and Mental Health: long-term stress may result in depression, physical weakness, and susceptibility to illness.
Social Isolation: survivors distance themselves from family and friends in order to heal and escape being manipulated into abuse again.
Career Challenges: job instability, inability to cope with dominating coworkers or inconsistent treatment by managers causes sporadic employment.
Peer or Workplace Bullying: victims are more prone to bullying in school and adulthood, leading to further stress and career disruptions.
Emotional Turmoil: severe self-esteem issues, self-harm, and identity struggles are common, with victims internalizing the negative views of their abuser.
Where to start?
You likely have one or more sibling abuse victims (or abusers) in your classroom.
Find out who they might be...
As you develop rapport with your students, ask about your students’ relationships with their siblings:
“Do you have siblings?”
“How do they treat you?”
“How do you feel about them?”
“Do your siblings call you names or hurt you in any way?”
-
Any child who is frequently rejected by siblings (or other students)
Significant age, maturity, or intelligence gaps among siblings
Significant differences in temperament
One sibling more physically dominant
One sibling more emotionally assertive or dominant
One sibling recruiting other siblings to gang up on a younger sibling
One sibling more manipulative or cunning
Any child who is more naïve, innocent or suggestible
Any child whose lack of maturity is exploited or used by older siblings (or other students)
-
A profound inability to trust, even those in positions to offer help like teachers or therapists, leading to lifelong emotional scars unless intervention occurs.
Targets face ongoing feelings of fear, insecurity, and trust issues, often leading to social isolation and depression. They may struggle with unexplainable anger and become targets for further abuse from peers and colleagues.
Repeated sibling aggression can damage future relationships, hindering trust and intimacy. Victims may find it hard to seek help or build meaningful connections, leading to lifelong emotional pain and poor health.
Despite outward appearances of a loving family, survivors may suffer in silence, believing they're unworthy of a better life. Even with support, the scars of bullying-abuse can persist for years and affect every are of life.
Assess if any of these dynamics are part of their home-life:
Older or stronger siblings interacting with younger or weaker siblings.
Pay attention to any siblings or their friends “ganging up” on another sibling.
Older siblings assigning derogative labels or nicknames to younger siblings.
Siblings interacting with pillows, sleeping bags or other bedding (which can be used for suffocating or threatening suffocation).
Siblings interacting with sharp objects, ropes, cords, sticks, tools, etc.
Siblings exhibiting suggestive touch, grabbing or pinching another sibling’s bottom, tickling under the arms or at mid-section.
Older brothers commenting on a sister’s physical appearance, attractiveness, or perceived lack of attractiveness.
Stronger children physically touching, hitting, slapping, pinching or poking.
Siblings provoking physically “weaker” siblings even in “low-level” ways.
Encourage parents to do this:
Be willing to advocate for siblings who are consistently more innocent, naïve or suggestible.
Do not allow older children to constantly “do things” for younger children. Model patience as they learn to take care of themselves.
Do not allow older children to “baby-sit” younger children.
Be cognizant that 90% of sexual abuse happens to children by someone you know and trust. (1 in 5 boys and 1 in 3 girls will become targets of sexual abuse.)
-
Pay attention if your student is “the baby” of the home. When parents talk to or talk about the youngest child in front of you, encourage them to remember that their baby is a person.
If you’ve taught their older siblings, be careful about making comparisons with their sibling.
Let their parents know that talking about “the baby” to older siblings establishes unhealthy patterns and habits can continue into and throughout adulthood.
Averting Future Family Disasters
Many estrangement issues start when the baby grows up and refuses to tolerate being the topic of gossip and family stories.
At least 35% of sibling abuse survivors experience or initiate “cut offs” in adulthood, compared to less than 6% of the general population.
This forced “estrangement” has repercussions on family relationships, spousal relationships, and the community at large.
BE AN IDENTITY BUILDER!
The young people in your classroom can tell you a lot about the identity they perceive from their families.
Help them and their parents to see themselves through a positive lens.
One easy way to build up a potential sibling abuse target’s identity is by knowing their name and its proper pronouncement.
It seems obvious, but it’s super important. Don’t assume that their peers or other teachers are pronouncing it correctly.
Nickname or not?
Ask if a student is okay with a nickname—even if it is common. For example, someone with the name Evangelina may want to be called “Evie” or “Angie” or “Lina”. Or they may only want to be addressed as Evangelina.
Do not assume you know what your student wants to be called. Ask them. Keep the lines of communication open.
Pay attention to how peers say the student’s name (mockingly?). How our names get pronounced is important to our identity.
Find more identity building tips and strategies in our blogs below!
