THE HIDDEN ABUSE

Sibling abuse is slowly becoming known among the child protection community as the “hidden abuse”. More prevalent than spouse-on-spouse or parent-on-child aggression, sibling abuse is the #1 form of domestic abuse. It effects an estimated 1 out of 3 children.

CONFIRMED BY RESEARCH

The University of New Hampshire Crimes against Children Research Center/Sibling Aggression and Abuse Research and Advocacy Initiative (SAARA) confirms: “Sibling aggression is the most common form of family violence, yet it remains hidden and confused with sibling rivalry.

Numerous studies have linked sibling aggression and abuse to worse mental and physical health and problematic interpersonal relationships with parents, peers and romantic partners.” (www.edu/ccrc/saara/learn-more)

LIFELONG IMPACT

This highly traumatic repetitive abuse within the home leads to an inability for targeted children to trust anyone, including doctors, teachers, pastors, counselors, therapists, or others who are in a position to help. Isolation, poor social connections, depression and poor physical health become the lifelong prognosis in sibling abuse victims (unless they receive help and healing).

Sibling abuse is particularly harmful because it can be considered a “double” abuse: (1) the initial abuse suffered at the hands of the aggressor sibling, and (2) the parental neglect to protect the target from the abuse (or in extreme cases, parental enablement of maltreatment by older siblings when forced to supervise or discipline younger siblings).

AS DANGEROUS AS ASSAULT

Many are inadvertently taught that “abuse” is limited to sexual abuse (or serious physical harm); however, research proves that more subtle (but persistent) forms of mistreatment intended to provoke fear or despair in a targeted sibling, including bullying, “rough-housing”, slapping/hitting, verbal threats to inflict harm or destroy property, verbal put-downs, mental trickery (mind games, manipulation), and coercing or tricking siblings out of money/treasured belongings, have as severe consequences to the target’s short and long-term mental, emotional and physical well-being as acute traumatic events.

WORTHLESS, HOPELESS, VOICELESS

This seemingly low-level maltreatment can remain unacknowledged by parents, regarded simply as “sibling rivalry” or “rough-housing”, and thus produces profound feelings of hopelessness in the targeted child. When one sibling (usually the younger, smaller, weaker or less popular/positional) is consistently the selected target of maltreatment, it is classified as abuse. Research also clarifies a distinct difference between sibling rivalry vs. sibling abuse. Rivalry is motivated by competition for parental attention; abuse is motivated by a desire to dominate, harm, betray, hurt, insult, degrade, humiliate, embarrass, or shame a target. Therefore, sibling bullying by definition becomes abuse. In addition, sibling abuse is more likely to be perpetrated by older brothers upon younger sisters, and upon children with autism. It is very common in socio-economically privileged families.

Many professionals in education and counseling have yet to be trained to distinguish the correlation between sibling bullying and abuse.